Tom Philip Wrote This

Getting some of my comedy out there to the big names. 

I laughed at this for a full two minutes then texted a friend about it, thus ending any right I had to make fun of these guys.

collegehumor:

Foreign Correspondent: A Brit’s View of the Presidential Election [Click to continue]

I’m a political pundit.

Another story concerns the two ravens named “James Crow” and “Edgar Sopper”. James Crow was a much-loved and long-lived raven. After noticing the commotion surrounding the other raven’s death, Edgar Sopper decided he could “play dead” in order to bring more attention to himself. His trick was so convincing that the Ravenmaster fully believed that Edgar Sopper had died. When the Ravenmaster picked up the “corpse”, Edgar bit the man’s finger and “flapped off croaking huge raven laughs”.

— The wikipedia article on the Ravens of the Tower of London is magnificent.

I ruined a conversation with my old roommate in 2 sentences.

alexwatt:

As I mentioned on Friday, YouTube removed a video Murph, Tom, and I made over the summer because it was deemed inappropriate. I wouldn’t exactly say it’s fit to be projected onto Jesus Christ’s forehead, but I certainly don’t think it’s something that isn’t appropriate for the Internet. Is it safe for work? No. People in offices do not have to watch it. They can make that decision on their own, or perhaps with a NSFW warning provided by the link sender.

I guess it’s easier for a faceless corporation to decide for us. Why waste people’s time with getting offended by my silly and, who can forget, salacious video? Especially when they can be watching such wholesome, non-offensive things like an 18-year-old’s music video that was presented and, for a while, believed to be stolen private footage.

Is it because I don’t make enough money, YouTube? Is that why I can’t put something that I think is funny, but righteous others might not want to watch on your website? Because it certainly isn’t for a lack of my being dreamy. “Epic All-American Rejects Lip Dub” needs to be reinstated, and I’ll say that to your Facebook page. Every day, and with varying levels of appropriateness until it is available to be viewed on YouTube again. I’ll let you decide what that means though.

I’m very ashamedly not exaggerating when I say this video represents one of the most creatively fulfilling moments of my life. Let justice be swift.

This video will change your life.

This appeared at some point in my google docs. I have no memory of creating it or being shared on it, I just suppose google thought it made sense.

A poor soul left their phone on a table at the bar Alex and I were at last night, so we helped.

alexwatt:

Hey, I answered your qs, boos.

I don’t have a secret role in Alex’s new video.